What is The Shadow-Self & How to Face it?

Savannah Dreblow
Dec 16, 2022
3 min read

Most people associate hearing the word shadow with something dark and sinister. Although it is true, our Shadow-Self is our darkness, it is far from sinister. Facing these shadow sides of our personality, in all honesty, doing what is commonly known as "Shadow-Work" is the bravest and most freeing thing you could do for yourself.

“Every part of our personality that we do not love will become hostile to us.”

― Robert Bly, A Little Book on the Human Shadow

Carl Jung was the first to introduce the western world to the idea of the Shadow-Self. Essentially we have hidden these parts from ourselves and society into our unconscious because we deem them unacceptable.

Our rage, sadness, thoughts, and behavior that we have been socially conditioned to believe are not loveable aspects of ourselves.

What then creates these Shadows?

Think back to when you were a child. One day you are playing outside with other neighborhood kids, laughing and carefree, and one of them pushes or bullies you. Naturally, you become upset.

You run home to tell your parents, and they tell you to stop crying and "put your big boy/girl pants on." Enter the Shadow. You now associate crying over your emotions as a sign of weakness. Shadows are created from shame and guilt, and we start to feel powerless and weak.

“The drama is this. We came as infants “trailing clouds of glory,” arriving from the farthest reaches of the universe, bringing with us appetites well preserved from our mammal inheritance, spontaneities wonderfully preserved from our 150,000 years of tree life, angers well preserved from our 5,000 years of tribal life—in short, with our 360-degree radiance—and we offered this gift to our parents. They didn’t want it. They wanted a nice girl or a nice boy. That’s the first act of the drama. It doesn’t mean our parents were wicked; they needed us for something. As a second-generation immigrant, my mother needed my brother and me to help the family look more classy. We do the same thing to our children; it’s a part of life on this planet. Our parents rejected who we were before we could talk, so the pain of the rejection is probably stored in some pre-verbal place.”

― Robert Bly, A Little Book on the Human Shadow

How do we face the Shadow side of our Self?

Yep, you guessed it, let the light in. You have to shine a light on the problem, but remember, easy does it—one problem, or shadow, at a time. I do not recommend doing this alone. Please advise a counselor or a mentor who has walked the path before you. This is not for the weak, and it is not pretty.

It all starts with self-compassion and self-acceptance. Once this is mastered, what could you possibly be ashamed of? The answer is nothing. No one can ever shame you again.

You take one giant leap of faith and one long look in the mirror and start loving that person, flaws and all.

You start looking at your life from the beginning and embracing the cringe. Accept it, and you are cringe in some way or another. Begin to see you under all those masks you have been wearing that are smothering you.

Start doing things the kid in you liked to do, and do not judge yourself. Live in the present moment, and if it feels good, and it will, you're on the right track.